


Stay

by memories_are_all_we_have



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Fluff, M/M, Star Trek: Into Darkness Spoilers, Vulcan Kisses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 10:47:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16891128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/memories_are_all_we_have/pseuds/memories_are_all_we_have
Summary: Kirk stares at him again, mouth moving as if to respond. He doesn't, though. His eyes drift away and he grunts with effort as his arm moves. Spock looks. Kirks hand is pressed against the glass separating them. Spock reflexively presses his own hand there as well, fingers falling into the Vulcan salute out of habit more than anything. Kirk's hand shifts and briefly Spock thinks his friend- just a friend, a friend he was about to lose forever- is going to reflect his own gesture. Instead, Spock feels a bolt of electricity in his stomach as he realizes what Kirk has done. His hand is curled so only two fingers remain.A Vulcan kiss.





	Stay

"How do you choose not to feel?" Kirk's voice is barely a whisper. Spock feels something inside him, something he wasn't sure he'd known existed, snap. Momentarily, he is lost for words and all he can offer Kirk is a small shake of the head, his mind going empty in the face of this. 

"I do not know." He admits at last, choking on his own tears. "Right now I am failing." 

Kirk looks at him, something floating in his eyes. For a heartbeat, one of the precious few he has left, he just stares. And then he speaks. "I want you to know why I couldn't let you die." He breathes softly, a short inhale of air. "Why I went back for you." 

Spock wants to believe everything he'd hoped is true, but he can't say it, can't push himself on Kirk here, in his last moment. So instead, he says what he thinks Kirk wants to hear. "Because you are my friend." He feels a tear fall, but he pays it no mind. He keeps his eyes on Kirk, trying, as illogical as it is, to memorize every detail of his face before it's too late. 

Kirk stares at him again, mouth moving as if to respond. He doesn't, though. His eyes drift away and he grunts with effort as his arm moves. Spock looks. Kirk's hand is pressed against the glass separating them. Spock reflexively presses his own hand there as well, fingers falling into the Vulcan salute out of habit more than anything. Kirk's hand shifts and briefly Spock thinks his friend- _just a friend, a friend he was about to lose forever_ - is going to reflect his own gesture. Instead, Spock feels a bolt of electricity in his stomach as he realizes what Kirk has done. His hand is curled so only his pointer and middle finger remain. 

A Vulcan kiss. 

Spock feels the air leave his lungs as he turned his gaze back to Kirk. Kirk is still staring at their hands. His eyes turn slowly, painfully slowly, to meet Spock's, and in that moment he understands. His mind races, looking for the words to say, the words to make everything okay. 

But then it's too late. Spock sees it. The moment the light leave Kirk's eyes. Even before his head falls back, before his hand falls limply from the glass, Spock knows. 

Kirk is gone. 

Spock's breaths are shallow, barely there as the anguish washes over him, wave after wave of despair and sorrow hitting him. 

And then it evolves. Something new fills him, something that urges him to act, urges him to leave Kirk's body- not _Kirk_ anymore, Kirk was gone, lost to him forever- and do something. 

As his breaths grow heavier and heavier, the rage grows.

"KHAN!"

. . . 

Spock watches Kirk sleep, something akin to butterflies in his stomach. McCoy is scanning him, murmuring as the captain wakes at last. Spock forces himself not to listen to their conversation, until McCoy turns and walks around Kirk's bed, shooting him a glance. Mentally steadying himself, Spock steps forward, hands neatly behind his back. Partially our of habit, partially to prevent him from reaching for Kirk as Kirk had reached for him. Kirk smiles at him- a weak, tired smile, but a smile nonetheless- and speaks, voice hoarse. "You saved my life." 

"Uhura and I had something to do with it too, you know." Bones puts in, voice harsher than his words actually are. Kirk quirks an eyebrow towards the doctor, but makes no comment. 

"You saved my life, captain, and the lives of-"

"Stop." Kirk interrupts. "Just-" His voice is almost a whispered. "Thank you." They look at each other for a moment and Spock feels emotions flare up. He pushes them aside and keeps his voice steady.

"You are welcome, James." He hesitates a moment, eyes flickering briefly to McCoy. Kirk follows his gaze, then speaks. 

"Bones, give us a second." 

McCoy looks up, scowling. "Yeah, sure, you just woke up from a death coma. Now is the time for a heart-to-heart." Even as he speaks, however, he sets his tools down and heads for the door, grumbling as he goes. Before he leaves, he pauses. "I'll be back in ten minutes. Don't die while I'm gone." 

Spock watches as the doctor disappears down the hall, then turns back to Kirk. "That was unadvised. Dr. McCoy should finish his examination as soon as possible to ensure-" 

"Spock." Kirk's face is serious. Spock stops. "When I was dying... when I reached for you-" 

"It was an overtly emotional moment for both of us. There is no need for you to explain yourself." 

"I know, but I want to." Kirk lifts his hand, face only slightly giving away the difficulty with which he does so. "This-" He lifts two fingers again and Spock feels his stomach jolt. He longs to reach out, to return the touch. "It means something to your people, doesn't it?"

"Yes." Spock feels as though the air has fled the room. His voice is breathless. "But you could not have known. I hold no expectation that-" 

"Spock." Again with his name. Still, it stops what he is sure would have been a ramble. "I know what it means." 

"I see." 

Kirk stares at him a moment more, then drops his hand, eyes turning away. "I shouldn't have put you in that position. I was dying- well, I thought I was dying, and I... I didn't think. I'm sorry for causing any discomfort." 

"As I said before, we were both in a compromising situation. There is no need for an apology. It is reasonable that you would seek out physical comfort in a moment such as that." 

"Physical comfort-? What are you talking about?"

"I was present. That is why you attempted the kiss, correct?"

"Yeah, but not like that!" Kirk struggles to sit up. Spock considers attempting to stop him, but knows it would be a futile effort, so he doesn't move. "Spock, I didn't do that because I wanted someone there while I was dying. If it had been Scotty or Bones, I wouldn't have wanted that." 

Spock stares at him, trying to understand. Logically, he knows what Kirk is saying, but the statement itself seems not only illogical, but also impossible. "Please expand." He says, a little breathless. Kirk notices. His features softe. 

"Spock." This time, he doesn't explain through words. Instead, he reaches out two fingers, eyes pleading. 

Spock hesitates, then, slowly, lifts his own hand and presses his fingers to Kirk's. Warmth spreads through his body at the contact and if he was human, he is sure he would have cried. Spock feels himself move closer, wanting none of the distance that separates him and his captain. 

"Come here." Kirk murmurs, breaking the kiss to tug on Spock's arm. Spock bends obediently and lets himself be pulled into a human kiss. 

"About damn time." 

Spock pulls back, blinking as McCoy steps back into the room. Heat rises in his cheeks. 

"Doctor-" 

"Aw, come on, man." Kirk complains loudly, cutting off Spock's attempted explanation. "Way to ruin the moment." 

"Yeah, yeah, moment my ass. You two can do that later. I need to finish my exam." 

Kirk pouts, but doesn't argue. Spock straightens his spine, letting his embarrassment fall back. "I should go check on the rest of the crew, captain. I can visit you again-" 

"Don't go." Spock blinks, confused. Before he can question the request, however, Kirk's hand is back in his, pulling him towards the bed. Spock lets him do so and steps even closer. Kirk's grip loosens, but doesn't release. "Stay. Please." Their eyes meet and Spock and himself unable to resist. 

"Of course, captain." 

"Jim." Kirk corrects, hand shifting so their fingers were pressed in a Vulcan kiss again. "Call me Jim." 

A lump blocks Spock's throat and briefly he is sure he's forgotten how to breathe. He nods, eyes never leaving Kirk's- Jim's. "Okay. Jim. I shall stay." And he knows it to be true. As long as Jim allows him, he will stay here, by his side. Wherever in the galaxy that may be. 

He will stay with his captain. 

**Author's Note:**

> I just got into Star Trek and I needed to write this scene, with a few changes. Hope you enjoy!!
> 
> Also I kind of forgot about Uhrua and Spock while I was writing this, so just pretend they aren't a thing lol


End file.
